To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.
My wife actually gave me a copy of this email that was sent to her which was apparently posted on Craigs List. I thought it was funny and perhaps our readers would enjoy it as well.
To the guy who tried to mug me downtown Savannah night before last. Date 05-27-09, 1:43 A.M. EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.
You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn’t it?
I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people’s in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day).
I then threw your wallet into the big pink “Pimp Mobile” that was parked at the curb…. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what’s going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat ( I guess while he traced your number, etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you…. but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try and sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto.
An armed society makes for a more civil society!
This “urban legend” has been around awhile and has many varying twists. As time goes on, the story takes on much more drama.
Yeah, I figured it sounded way too good to be true. But regardless of whether it’s fact or fiction, it is entertaining to read. I never would have been able to come up with some of the actions described in the story as I am just not that quick witted.
AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the guy who I mugged in Downtown Savannah the night before last. Date: 2009-04-01, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. Yes, that’s April Fool’s Day.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket who pulled a gun on you and demanded that you hand over your girlfriend’s purse and earrings, and threatened your lives if you didn’t do so. The gun I pointed at you was Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol purchased by my girlfriend for my birthday. Obviously you agree that it’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head isn’t it?
First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol from my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
I know it probably wasn’t fun when I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help you catch me after I mugged you.
Secondly, I'd like to apologize for shooting you and your girlfriend when I saw you attempt to remove your gun from your holster. Too bad it never occurred to you that it was much easier for me to shoot you and your unarmed girlfriend than it was for you to shoot me because my gun was already aimed at your head while your gun was still in your holster.
Before I made my getaway, just for spite, I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of your car.
After I shot you I called your mother, or "Mommy" as you had her listed in your cell phone, to explain the entire episode of what I'd done because you foolishly pulled your gun when all I wanted was your money. Then I immediately filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Gos, but I kept all the cash in your wallet. [That made my day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day, so what’s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the Secret Service and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The Secret Service agents and the FBI guy seemed really intense and we had nice long chats (I guess while they traced your phone number etc.)
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel forcing you and your ex-girlfriend to live in a wheelchair for the rest of your lives is a far more appropriate punishment for your foolish attempt to thwart my threatened crime. I wish you and your ex-girlfriend well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues while in the intensive care ward of the hospital, and can only hope that after your multiple surgeries you have the opportunity to reflect upon and reconsider your decision to pull your gun that night.
Remember, next time you and your ex-girlfriend might not be so lucky and wind up dead.
Have a good day in your hospital!
Thoughtfully yours,
The mugger in the black Burberry jacket
P.S. Remember this motto. Armed muggers don’t care about civil society!